E-mail from Laura

A couple of weeks ago, I got an e-mail from a girl named Laura, from Chicago. She had read my blog post about communicating better with your parents, and had a question.

"How am I supposed to talk to my mom or dad about a serious situation when no one in my family is home at the same time?" Laura wanted to talk to her parents about her boyfriend, but could never get them together in the same room, at the same time.

My suggestion to her was to go ahead and talk to them separately. Maybe while your mom is making dinner? Perhaps catch your dad when he gets home from work. Although, I do suggest waiting until they have had time to unwind from work, and maybe eat dinner. Catching someone when their blood sugar is low (when they're hungry) will most likely get a distracted, negative response. Do they drive you anywhere? Time alone in the car is great, because there are no distractions from other family members, the dog, or someone at the door. Turn off your cell phone, so you can just focus on each other without any interruptions.

She did end up talking to her dad in the car when he dropped her off at the mall one Saturday. She explained to him the situation about her boyfriend that she had been nervous about bringing up. When she talked to him calmly, without any distractions, she was able to tell her dad the issue.

When he responded calmly in return, they ended up talking and came to an understanding on the topic. (Laura wanted to keep the exact situation private).

The next day she was able to talk to her mom before her mom went to work. It all worked out great for everyone involved, and what Laura feared would be a huge drama, turned out better than she expected.

What Do You Want To Be When You Grow Up?

High school graduation, and you haven't a clue what you're going to do now that you've left high school. Should you go to college? Become a teacher, doctor, singer?

Your parents and teachers have been questioning you. Now it's time to question yourself. What do I want to do?

If you're undecided, don't despair. Here are a few ideas to help you choose a lifelong career that will suite your personality, needs and most importantly, bring you happiness in life.

1. Make a list of the things you like to do. Ask yourself, "What am I really passionate about?" "What types of activities really turn me on?" Make a list of 5 things you love most.

2. Take a college aptitude test. Sounds boring, but it's actually quite fun. It will reveal a lot about yourself that you might not have realized before. It will place your interests in categories such as communications, business, clerical, sciences, working outdoors or in the arts, etc.

3. Find a mentor in a couple of the fields you chose. Find someone who is already a professional in the area of your interest. Question them about why they love the profession or perhaps some of the challenges of their chosen field. What do they like best about their jobs? The least? Then ask yourself, "Will this career suit my personality? In my personal life, do I find myself naturally leaning toward this profession?"

Some things to consider when choosing a career are: if you're a morning person obviously a career where you need to work at night might not suit you. Or if you are a person who loves to be with people, a job that requires you to work alone might not be to your liking. Keep in mind that no matter what career you choose, you can always change your mind later. Studies show that people usually change careers at least once or twice in their lives. Make sure that what you choose brings you happiness. If you love doing it, more than likely it is a great choice for you. ©Kimberly Kimmel

How to Have Better Communication With Your Parents

Parents sometimes don't understand- yep, you got that right. They want to, but they can get in their own way. They hear their own parent's warnings in their heads or they are so focused on YOUR safety, that they forget to LISTEN to what you are saying. They try, but they need your help.

Tell your parents, "Will you just stop for a minute. Just listen. My turn." And then give them your comments, calmly and with an adult tone.

The best way to communicate with your parents is to remember: RESPECT.

R: Reveal your feelings. This might be hard but you need to make them understand how YOU feel. Say, "I feel this way because..."

E: Eye Contact. If you're talking and the other person is looking away or fiddling with something, they aren't giving you their complete attention. They may not remember what you said. Make sure the person is giving you their complete attention. This is best done with eye contact.

S: Stay Calm and speak softly. Someone might say something that pushes your buttons. Don't react by attacking the other person verbally. They might attack back and then an argument follows. Instead, speak in a quiet, controlled voice. Have you ever noticed that when you speak softly others need to give you their attention to hear what you are saying? Speak softer than normal, but not a whisper. Once you have their attention, they'll listen.

P: Put Yourself in the other person's shoes. In the situation, would you have reacted the same way? If yes, tell them, if no, tell them that also. This let's the other person know exactly how you feel.

E: Exercise Your Ears. Really listen. Listen to the tone your parents use when they speak to you. Were they actually worried about you? Angry? Trying not to cry? Be aware of what is really behind their words. Also pay attention to body language. People speak with more than words.

C: Choose Your Words Carefully. You want to say the right thing, give the right impression. Take a minute to think before the words come out of your mouth.

T: Treat the Other Person as You Want to be Treated. Everyone deserves to be heard, to be able to express themselves. Give your parents a chance to speak as well. What they have to say is important to them, just as what you have to say is important to you. This is the true meaning of respect. ©Kimberly Kimmel